Improve your ability to speak English

At the Customs

Customs Officer: Good morning. Can I see your passport?

Clark: Certainly. Here it is.

C. O.: Yes, that’s all right. Have you got anything to declare?

Clark: Yes, I have. I’ve got some whisky and some cigarettes.

C. O.: How much whisky have you got?

Clark: A litre.

C.O: That’s all right. And how many cigarettes have you got?

Clark: Two hundred.

C.O.: Fine. What about perfume?

Clark: Er…No, I haven’t.

C.O.: Good. Open your case, please.

Clark: Pardon?

C.O.: Open your case, please. Open it now! Oh, dear! Look at this! You’ve got three bottles of whisky, four hundred cigarettes and a lot of perfume!

Clark: Does that mean I can’t go?

A New Baby

Mr Palmer: Well, hello, Mr Wallace. You seem unusually happy today.

Mr Wallace: I just became a father!

Mr Palmer: Congratulations. A boy or a girl?

Mr Wallace: You never saw such a cute girl. Nine pounds, three ounces…and as cute as a button.

Mr Palmer: Doesn’t this call for cigars?

Mr Wallace: Oh, yes. I forgot about the cigars. Here, have one.

Mr Palmer: Thank you. How is your wife?

Mr Wallace: She’s just fine.

Is English Difficult?

Nancy: Where are you going?

Maggie: To Canada.

Nancy: Why are you going there?

Maggie: I’m going to learn English; there is a school there that has an excellent program.

Nancy: Is learning English going to be difficult?

Maggie: Yes. I have to study and practice a lot.

Nancy: Where is your school?

Maggie: It’s in a town called St.Catharines. In Ontario.

Nancy: I’m jealous, I’ll bet you’re excited.

Maggie: Yes, but I’m also really nervous.

Washing His Car

Debbie: Where’s Kevin?

Tania: He’s in front of the house.

Debbie: What is he doing?

Tania: Washing his car.

Debbie: Not again?

Tania: Yes, he takes good care of his car.

Debbie: But he never cleans his room.

Tania: I know. It’s always dirty.

Debbie: And nothing is in order.

Tania: You’re right. His room is a mess.

Debbie: Maybe he should move into his car!

At the Restaurant

Jamie: This is a big menu.

Katy: Yeah, what are you getting?

Jamie: Chicken, peas, and baked potatoes.

Katy: I don’t know what to get.

Jamie: They have very good turkey.

Katy: I had turkey yesterday.

Jamie: How about steak?

Katy: Perfect. I’ll get steak and mashed potatoes.

Jamie: What vegetable are you getting?

Katy: I’m not getting any. I don’t like vegetables.

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